Anxiety

For the first time in my life, I am reluctant to go. I have too many things - so many things to leave behind. My whole life in 20 kilos - it's not easy to plan one's packing when leaving for good.

I don't know why I'm going away. I know that I have to, it's an unwritten rule because it has already been two years and temporary roots shan't grow too deep but my stomach keeps screaming (normally I'd think it was the hot pot but I haven't been sleeping either). Home is where the heart is and mine isn't ready to settle, it probably never will be.

But at this point, I am even willing to forgive the Sichuan dialect for it's whiny faults.

Today is my last day and I had to make sure I wouldn't regret anything so I got up early, thus remaining partly blind until noon because of fatigue. I don't know why I do these things.


Breakfast at Starbucks, Macchiato to make the stomach happy and Melanie reminded me that I am Very Stupid. I am going to miss her so much. My French is going to lack immensely after some time without her, what a loss! I will become quite the savage.

And Howie, dear, dear Howie. "Cecilia, you have to look more normal in your pictures, stop smiling like a freak. Try to be pretty." I tried my best. He tried, too, but without success. And when a scanderly clad girl walked by and he said "come to daddy", I was as proud as a mother can be - his humour has reached the European standard and my job is done.


But I still don't want to go.

This is it. Jay is packed and all is ready, I think. I have a bottle of orange juice, too. My phobia of airports isn't as bad as it used to be, but I'm still not keen on getting up at five for my flight.

I'm going to miss my life as it used to be. But on the other hand, there is only one direction from down here.

Chinese of the day:
一路平安
Travel safely