2008, 88!

Today, we will think about the year that is ending... Well, I shall at any rate. 2008 was an unlucky year, a tragic one, but after trauma there's a sweet if somewhat tangy aftertaste and though I suppose I am not exactly learning, I am never upset for more than two days in a row. It is amazing, the ability one has to come back like a bouncing little bunny in the midst of it all. It is very practical indeed!

First off then, the hardships:
March: The riots in Tibet that inevitably reached Sichuan and Chengdu, resulting in heavily armed policemen and continuous bomb threats. I have never been in a war zone, per say, but during this time, we were told to stay inside and if indeed we ventured outside, there were guns cocked in all directions.

May: The Wenchuan Earthquake. The world shook and fell into pieces and I worked overtime to pull it back to together, to help the best I could. Everywhere was ruins, death and but also Hope, and I am glad that I could help. I slept on fields, I provided drinking water, I interviewed and translated, I donated my entire salary and so much more and I can still feel that I did not do enough.

July-August: My Visa Problems. Continuous problems with my new university and my visa that in the end forced me out of the country, all because of the Olympics and a department that is unaware of its own rules and regulations. Once in Korea, I was stuck, unable to return to my beloved China and if my dad had not stormed into the Chinese embassy in Stockholm I would have been forced to stay in Seoul to get a job - I mean, I do love the Koreans but there are limits. I the end, I had a stressful but very exciting time in Seoul and I picked up plenty of Korean(s) for the sake of learning! =^_^=

October: Painful rejection and heartbreak! I died, I fell apart, and I screamed for hours, I was so angry with myself and the little fluffy clouds in my heart. I wanted a shoulder, at least for an hour, was rejected again and lost a friend in the process. But I had it all coming, it was so Obvious, I was not even surprised, which made it so much Worse.

But this years has also brought wonderful things. It brought Kathy, Tracy and You Jin, Kandi and Ali and Pierre, Cui Sheng Xuan, RK and Azhang (though he annoys me) and I love Beijing, I love China and my heart is so Full. I can take pain, I can take anything you fucking throw at me - just give me Jay and a G&T, I'm ready for war.

Song of the Year: "彩虹" Jay Chou
Dance of the Year: "Tell me" (Especially with Korean Army Boys)
Look-A-Like of the Year: Azhang OMG JAY BABY
Drink of the Year: Soju!
The Best Mistake Ever: Azhang
Love of Year: KOREAN SOCKS
Girl of the Year: Kathy
Boy of the Year: Howie
Obsession of the Year: Getting a Taiwanese accent (it's okay, you can laugh)
Loss of the Year: Various friendships and Chengdu (but I will be back ^^)


In short: Go Go 加油！2009, 欢迎你！

My heart is lame

My heart is lame with running after yours so fast
Such a long way,
Shall we walk slowly home, looking at all the things we passed
Perhaps to-day?

Home down the quiet evening roads under the quiet skies,
Not saying much,
You for a moment giving me your eyes
When you could bear my touch.

But not to-morrow. This has taken all my breath;
Then, though you look the same,
There may be something lovelier in Love's face in death
As your heart sees it, running back the way we came;
My heart is lame.

Charlotte Mew

我忘了说~~最美的是你的名字

I feel so incredibly romantic today, I can't explain it. It has nothing to do with Azhang, I've rejected his advances after the Big Fallout - no, I think it's just a general feeling of content that has come over me of late. I'm being romantic all to myself with flowers, sweets, raspberry lattes and books... Today is a Happy Saturday!

Yesterday's concert was inspiring, I am looking forwards to Korean Food with You Jin tonight. I think I am just... content. Happy! Yeah, that's it.



PARIS IS SOON!
Oh, Love.

Baby one more time

Chinese of the day:
求饶
To beg for mercy

Let's Lose Face

Oh, come on, seriously, what's up with all the drama? I can't say I'm a fan of it, really. I wanted something calm and quiet for once - and what do I get? More Drama! As though the whole Korean ordeal was not enough, we have to do it again, and in Chinese!

My heart is lame with running after yours so fast

Who wrote that? I feel her.

I think we are playing some kind of revenge game, Azhang and I.
"You didn't let me move in so I'll make you lose face by pretending not to notice you"
"You made me lose face so I'm dirty dancing with another bloke in front of you"
"You're making me lose face in front of my friends so I'll ignore you"
"You ignore me so I will let the other bloke buy me flowers to piss you off"
"You're flirting with someone else right in front of me so I will do the same"
"You're a complete arse so I'm going to leave without letting you know"
"You left without telling so now I won't call you"

Very mature, I say. I admit I am a part of it, but at least I did not start it.

Oh, what the hell. Let's just break up and be done with it.

... and the beat goes on

He didn't move in after all, for which we are all grateful and only vaguely mournful (its nice to keep him close). He is finding his own place in Hou Hai, and it's only thirty minutes there by bus, I think I can live through it.

We aren't offically boyfriend and girlfriend, of course, we made that clear, but I have never slept so well as when he is near. It's something about the stupid things he does, like combing out my hair when something is stuck, or pinching my cheek when I'm being an arse.

I'm sleeping, and he takes the pillow I'm hugging away from me, waking me up before he rolls over, looking at me over his shoulder. "Hold me instead."

I am obviously the man in this.

We all know what is coming, of course. Ouch at the thought! But I think I'll take it as it comes, this time. 不要想太多



And the boy is totally rocking my wig, too. "If Jay Chou can pull it off, then I can, too!" Not quite the original, but the pose is there, I admit.

彩虹。。。我看见了

"Are you tired? You can lean on me and sleep until we get back. And your hands are cold, let me warm them."

If he burns me now, I'm going to wring his fucking head off.

I have never slept in the same bed as anyone who wants to tangle arms, legs and fingers in order to sleep, only to snore so much that when it's silent, I can't quite relax. Not until now.

I can't help but to be suspicious. But then, when he sings 夜曲, and I can't tell his voice from Jay's voice...

Azhang, my pretty boy. Don't fuck with me or I'll mess you up so badly your own mum won't even recognise you (hell yeah, I stole that from a bad rap song!).

Chinese of the day:
"跟我一起住房子吧“
Move in with me

甜甜的

I'm not sure of how this happened, but I think maybe I have a boyfriend.

To be continued... when things are clearer.

Beijing, I have had enough of you

想家。

So there's this boy, right...

While my original company deserted me last night, I made a new acquaintance. We all know about my love of (read Obsession with) Jay Chou - now picture my amazement at running into a boy looking just like him! I was rushing through the crowded bar to get to a friend outside when suddenly there's a hand on mine and whoosh, Cecilia's heart out the window. I don't think I've ever seen Jay in a leather jacket, but apart from that, it was spot on - and admittedly, vaguely frightening. And he wasn't just good-looking, he was charming and sober, too (as was I, in the end), and his accent was perfection.

The best part was of course when he sang a song and I said, oh, I know that one. He asked, Chinese music, do you like it and I said yes. He beamed at me.

"Do you know who Jay Chou is?"

It's hardly necessary to go into detail about how the world came to a sudden stop and the birds started singing in the distance - I could have married him right there. We proceeded to speak about Jay Chou for hours and I am quite convinced that I have found my soulmate. I cannot be sure whether he will call me or not, but I did get a pretty good goodbye kiss, one that actually caught me off guard with its sweetness.

That's right - I KISSED JAY CHOU! Hell yeah, I did.

And on a completely different note, I have finished all of my midterms and will proceed to do absolutely shit-all over the weekend - in translation this reads Books Books Books.

It's a good day today.

Chinese of the day:
打鼾
to snore

Could someone please tell me...

... why Americans misspell things on purpose and think they are cool/funny for doing it?
... if (and why!) there is Anyone that actually likes to be called "hot mami"?
... why white boys turn me off (with the exception of Daniel Johns as he used to be)?
... why some people spend their entire lives doing absolutely shit all and pretending to be content just because they are lazy and scared?
... why no Beijing restaurant can make a decent 宫爆鸡丁?
... if my eyes are always going to be tiny (is there nothing that can be done!)?
... why I didn't take RK's phone number?
... how to get a permanent visa without getting married?
... why some pretend to be Nice when they're not?
... WHY KOREANS DONT LIKE UGLY FAT GIRLS THAT CANT COOK?
... how to be Generous when others are not?
... why some just sit on their arses and complain when nothing gets done?

There. I'm all ears.

Optimism

This is probably the first and last time I ever take something from the bible to put in a positive context. Chapter 4, verse 8, St Paul to the Philipinians:

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report: if there be any virtue, and be there any praise, think on these things.


Think on Goodness, think on Love. Try not to be cynical, but rational. Eat sweet things and smile when you can, feel the sun and the rain all the same, make sure that if you die tomorrow, that you are happy with today.

Bounce Back

Today I have cleaned up my entire room, thrown out what I don't need, erased phone numbers and studied for the upcoming exams. I have lost weight, I have started to buy beauty magazines (though admittedly I feel shallow and cannot read through a single page without cringing but I'm getting there) and I have started to take my reading seriously again. You just watch me go.

Bounce, bitch, bounce.

Not really, no

First when it breaks can you know who will lend a hand. Sad to say, it’s a short list to be counted.

I am not naïve to the point that I didn’t expect this, though I admit that I had hoped for a different outcome. 太敏感了, I know, but I get so tired. I don’t know where love, respect and friendship went off to– is there a flight plan that I have yet to be informed of? To be disappointed by three people in less than five hours is a little much, at least for a starving girl like me. I will live, of course. I’ll have to rearrange my thoughts and habits, I will need a new playground and a little less faith in humanity but we have done this before.

然后连话都不说继续沉默
连朋友都没得作为了什么
然后跟别人说你其实还是爱我
就算了吧坏人我来做

Let's keep that phone turned off.

够了

算了。
不要再说。
不要再找我，不要再给我打电话。
不要再骗我。
我呢？我不要再想你。

Play Dead - now also a motion picture featuring Girl Rejected

Halloween was a blast but then reality came back and hit me right in the face. I wish I hadn't said anything, but everyone kept pushing, "it's always good to be honest". Why, that was the last time I tried to be honest about anything at all! From now on, I'll be a lying, deceiving arsehole and I'll never believe in love or anything like it again.

There.

Now I am going to stand on the balcony for a while to see if inspiration hits me. If it does, I might just write a book about it.

Chinese of the day:
想你死了
(it's not a grammar mistake, ladies and gentlemen - I mean exactly that. May death take the mean boy when he least expects it.)

"A Diversion!"

With three weeks until the midterms, I haven't yet found the strength to start reviewing. I have an essay for Wednesday (which is also the day of KB's return! If all goes well, that is) and the rest is just HSK. I have come to passionately hate those three letters.

I am on the hunt for a coffin, for those of you that have one to spare. The Halloween party I am hosting with friends needs a coffin to fill with alcohol, and I have yet to find one. I'm pretty sure I'll end up building my own coffin in the end... OH SNAP! I can be so Witty! But yes, if you do have a coffin lying around, kindly let me know.

From today on, I am going hardcore with being a better person. I can change, I can change - I can learn to keep my promises, I swear it! Anyone else feeling that melody? South Park is Love.

Word of the day:
KIMCHI

Just a little more Love

English
French
German
Italian
Korean
Japanese
Spanish
Indonesian
Chinese
Swedish

Love is all you need.

Beijing's next top model, yo

...when next weekend comes - please, someone keep me from watching America's Next Top Model on tudou. It's just not healthy.

你不要害怕~你不会寂寞~~我要一直陪在你的左右让你乐悠悠

Yesterday was a bad night in the club history of Beijing. It needs to step up a notch - but let's not talk about that. I am so sick of white people right now.

Chanu has gone back to Korea for surgery, so here's hoping all is well. I shouldn't worry but I do, just a little. Admittedly, I have never been cut open but I can't imagine that it's all that great. If he could remember to call and let me know, perhaps I would sleep better... But he has an awful memory, worse than mine, or maybe he just enjoys to torture me. It is true - one can never know with Koreans.

I am going to catch up on some reading - something English, for once! Go P.G. Wodehouse!

Chinese of the day:
祝你好运
Good luck!

Ponytails are so IN

Who said the trend died when Spice Girls did? Cecilia is totally rocking the baby-look, whoo-hoo!

Never fear, Jay is here!

It’s getting late, the skies are clear and I can see stars. It’s enough to make anyone romantic and I have been shoved into that mood, of late. I was reluctant in the beginning(因为害怕受伤), but it’s difficult not to soften when you have someone telling stories and singing you sweet songs just to help you fall asleep. It’s been proven – Korean is the most beautiful language in the world. My phone bill is getting difficult to handle, though. If I eat a little less, I think I can afford it.

I have a strange bump on my thigh – let’s hope it’s not a tumour. I am almost free of my sickness now, I am back in school and I’m 努力努力 because I have a feeling the midterms should be coming up soon. Go go 加油!

I’m starting to look forward to February and travelling again. Sweden, England, France, Switzerland and Italy – it’ll be like good old times, only with different company this time. I hope nothing goes wrong, I hope we can afford it. I will need to brush up my French, of course, and perhaps my English, too (I wouldn’t want to be thought of as a simpleton…) but most of all, we need to get KB to speak English or I’ll have to put a leash on him for his own good.

Why is that idea so appealing?

Why, Cecilia – you’re Appalling!

Jay keeps me going, but this is sleep. I will dream of Christmas. For the first time in my life, I think that maybe Christmas won’t be so bad. I just have to figure out what to buy… I’ve always been so bad with gifts, always giving the wrong thing. This year, I have to be better; I have to give from the heart. The heart is a silly little thing.

Chinese of the day:
一句“我喜欢你”也说不好
I can’t even say it right, that I like you

Yay for Jay!

With sickness comes lonliness and depression, but my baby has a cure. I have been sniveling and whining, it's true, I've been a terrible, terrible person. I have wrapped myself up in my own misery and cursed the world - but yesterday was a magical day. Jay's new album, Capricorn, finally came out and I ran to the stores the way only a sick, mad woman would.

It's his best to date, and he actually managed to surpass my expectations and Shock me. 东方之殿 is the sexiest thing I have ever heard, and 乔克叔叔 is just Wicked. I need to work through the lyrics, of course, he mumbles as usual (even though he's gotten vaguely better) but it's destined to be: 周杰伦+欧丝丽=永远的爱.




Isn't he handsome?

My baby, my boy. Oh, they grow up so quickly these days. And they learn to yodle!

I miss the world, I feel excluded. I don't want to sit at home with Korean Dramas anymore, I have cried enough. Tomorrow, I will write something with taste, and I will refrain from eating too much.

In other news, Chanu is just as sick as I am. My Korean classmate calls me every other minute, am I still sick, and there are three parties this weekend that I will miss out on. I hate my body! It should be smaller, it should be less pale, it should be Healthy. I hate sniveling. I am Theodore in disguise.

Chinese of the day:
感冒
Rheum

I can't sleep

想死你了

明娜！




I thought about you all day!

I really cannot control myself

我真的在韩国人方面归于失败。

其实我已经累死了。

他干吗这样！太烦恼了。。。

I just get so angry. Most of the time I am quite lovely - perhaps not patient but Nice - but sometimes I just want to smash someone's face. Thank God for soju, Other Korean Boy and his advice.

好像他就是一个笨蛋。好像我也是。

救命！

Get Out

It is Holiday and while quite long and boring during the days, the nights are far more colourful. Korean Boy - no, really, I should start calling him by name, it's Chanu - has a fever and can't leave his bed, it makes me guilty because I know I promised to go out clubbing with him but why, he's not really available, is he? I was being whiny and Kandi and Obi said, let's go out, you shouldn't be miserable on your own. We went club-jumping, if that's an expression, and we found a pole, Korean Boys (not That one) and fish and chips. It was a Good Evening.







I spent yesterday trying to learn the "Tell Me" dance, because really, being home alone, hungover and full of bruises isn't always that entertaining. I have realised one thing - take the pole away and I have no balance! I can't really take choreography either.

In other news, my Plan have been postponed. Shoo!

Chinese of the day:
干杯!
Cheers!

抛弃了

Except you’ve got that look in your eyes
When I’m telling a story and you find it boring
You’re thinking of something to say

Korean Friends

I have added another Korean Friend to the list - this one is actually in my class. He teaches me Korean, too, and I he has promised to take me out for drinks after Monday (when it's going to Happen), no matter if I need to celebrate or cry my eyes out. He said he's available either way and will pay for my drinks until my body breaks. He's a sweetheart :)

Tomorrow is a Saturday but I have school over the weekend so this is sleep. I have ugly sheets and greasy hair, but I managed to smile for the camera nonetheless! Or perhaps I am yawning - I am tired and can't quite tell the difference... I take full blame if you are frigtened by my make-up free apperance.

Marie goes to South America tomorrow. I wish it was February already.



Chinese of the day:
紧张
Nervous

如果爱只是拉拉扯扯...

And so this is where I refuse to admit that I cried for something I haven't lost. Not yet.

Chinese of the day:
敏感
Sensitive

Battle cries

I feel so incredibly Panicked, of late. I am eating a little more now, which is supposedly a good thing, but I can't really sleep and I keep dreaming about ants. Is that normal? Ants - who'd have thought!

Panic aside, I have fallen down a staircase, made friends with another Korean Boy (though this one was raised in Texas - minus the accent, thank goodness) and learned the dance to Wonder girl's "So Hot". Christina, my dear Italian friend, asked me if I kissed the American-KB in the end of that evening out but I was puzzled. How do you flirt with someone by asking advice on how to get on with a completely different boy? Especially if you do it many times, moaning over how perfect this Other Boy is - my imagination runs away with me after a drink or two and I get overly enthusiastic.

Europe, however, is still on, it seems.

Today is a Monday and I am trying to relax by the means of drinking and mumbling "哪里有彩虹告诉我~能不能把我的愿望还给我。。。" in an overly dramatic way because that is what I do. I have come to cherish the weekdays and my classes, anxious not to be alone over the weekends. I have been so nervous lately, I don't want to leave myself alone with, you know, myself. It could get claustrophobic, especially if Theodore is with me. The first week of October I have off, and I am, for the first time in my life, unhappy about the upcoming holidays.

There's something clawing at me and I have been fine for so long, it's not fair! Perhaps I am just too Happy for my own good. Is that possible? Perhaps not. I shouldn't think so much, Theodore, go away!

Oh, I met the most handsome Chinese boy you can imagine at a BBQ party the other night and thought him truly Perfect, until he opened his mouth. Not only was he from Chicago, he was a model/actor too, and shook my hand with both of his. "You see, I'm an actor. Here's my card." Suffice to say, he lost me at that, and I ended up more interested in the meat on the grill than that which he had to offer.

Chinese of the day:
"我喜欢你很久了！"
I have liked you for so long!
(from 恶魔在身边)

Confusion? Agreed!

I was in my first Beijing sandstorm yesterday and while it left me partically blind and with a rather coarse taste on my tongue - but I survived it! We were supposed to grill some meat but the skies fell down with thunder so there was not a lot of action last night. However, we had sausage omelettes with chili in baguettes... I haven't been eating well lately, I keep forgetting and I am never hungry.

I had coffee with Korean Boy yesterday, it was nice. He was babysitting his students, though, and I am pretty sure they don't like me because they fell asleep at the table while KB and I was talking. Poor little things. Anyway, KB and I talked about Europe and he's making plans to come with me in February when I go back to Sweden. A little sudden, no? Why, I'm all in! We're going to have to save money, for we want London, Paris, Geneva and Milan as well. In the end, I'm sure he'll chicken out on me but it's a nice thought to entertain.

In other news, I have been watching Monk all morning and I think it's time I left the house, perhaps for food. It's sunny, today.

Chinese of the day:
"牵手"
To hold hands

对不起~我有大舌头。。。

C: You never told me why you want to learn English.
KB: So that I can talk to you.
C: But we can speak Chinese! I don't mind speaking Chinese with you.
KB: Yes, but what if I go back to Korea. I will have to use English to talk on the computer.
C: Do you have a lot of people that you speak English with online?
KB: No. Just you.

Chapter One

Enough with the visa shit already - it was a long trial but it is over and I'd rather not ever think of it again. I managed to get back to Beijing eventually and registered at school as supposed to, the placement exams are tomorrow. But there are more important things to talk about.

Kathy called me this morning (and woke me, admittedly). I have missed her so much - she is my Beijing for Christ sake! - and just to hear her voice made everything brighter. And I had barely put the phone back onto the floor before it rang again and Korean Boy asked in an overly cheery voice if I was awake. I was, of course, and I ran into the bathroom for a shower quicker than Theodore says Poppycock.

When having a date with Korean Boy, it's important to look Nice. I spent ten minutes trying to Look Nice with the means of make up before I realised that there was no point and that a blue flower would do the job for me. Today, this was it, no more experiments with eyeshadow in daylight!



I actually managed to pay lunch for the both of us (Pride!) and learned a little more Korean - I can say that I am tired and that hey, you're an idiot. I am making progress. Korean Boy hired me as his English teacher but I have warned him that it's going to cost him (money? no, that is not at all what I had in mind. I am Decent!).

The first phrase he wanted to have translated was 每天晚上给我打电话, so I did. Call me every night. That's today's Chinese lesson for you: Call me every night!

Then, of course, we had to go shopping because he is Korean and there is little to be done about that. Underwear - imagine that, he took me shopping for underwear! I feel we are doing this in the wrong order.

But Kathy! Kathy Kathy 明娜我想死你了！I'll be better with the emails, I swear!

The Disaster

My passport has just been sent back to Sweden via mail. I am so fucked.

No Chinese today, I refuse it.

Change is Good

As some of you might have noticed, I have bought myself two wigs (vaguely sick of sticking out by now) and in lack of anything else to distract me from Korea I had myself a little photoshoot. Here, they are for your viewing pleasure - Dark Brown and Reddish Brown, my new best friends.

Let's start with Dark Brown, the more Chinese of the two:






I like to play with colours. Now - here is Reddish Brown (with curls!):





I have been looking for a Red one but it doesn't want to be found. The quest continues! I like fake hair.

Chinese of the Day:
假发
Wig

One for Korea

Et Voilá, the system wins again. I lose, of course, it's automatic by now, and I have to leave the country. I will be back - I couldn't live anywhere else - I just have to deal with the shit that has been dumped upon me first. It seems to be the best way, to go Korea and sit there and get my Visa going while I do some sight-seeing all by my lonesome. I am trying to look upon this as a vacation but it's difficult, what with Stress holding my throat.

... I don't want to know what happens if my visa doesn't get through.

My ticket has been booked and I have to run off now to pay for it. I have a strong feeling that I better marry Jay or I'll be eating crumbs and dust upon my return, I am so poor. Nonetheless! It is going to be a great opportunity to speak Korean and to take Theodore out for a walk. I am not going to let this ruin anything. This is a Vacation, if Forced and Too Expensive. I can have fun in Korea.

I just wish someone would come with me, it's always more fun if you're two.

Chinese of the Day:
你笑一笑，没有过不去的事情
Just smile your way through it

My Visa Problems, Part II

I can honestly say that I do not quite understand this whole paper-turning business and obsession with dates. I thought my papers were in order, I really did - but as it turns out, no, someone just had to fuck with me. I went to pay my tuition in order to get my last papers and they said no, you cannot, you have to wait until the eight of September. I admit, I was astounded.

"But my visa expires in seven days - why can I not pay my tuition now?"
"Because you are not an old student."
"Why does it matter?"
"It just does."
"But why?"
"It just does."
"Then can you make an exception because of circumstances and unforeseen events that was caused, in fact, by the university and not me personally?"
"No."

Sometimes. Oh, sometimes I wonder. What am I doing here again?

If this doesn't work itself out within two days I will have to book a flight to Korea. Don't get me wrong, I would love to go to Korea, just not right now. I speak only "I love you" in Korean and quite frankly, I cannot afford to go. Sweden is not even an alternative and Hong Kong is Money away. I wish I had chosen another university - I never had these kind of issues in Sichuan.

I miss Home, I miss Chengdu. 사랑해!

Chinese of the day:
"太烦人了"
How annoying

Tornado

爱情来的太快就像龙卷风

离不开暴风圈来不及逃
我不能再想
我不能再想
我不 我不 我不能

爱情走的太快就像龙卷风
不能承受我已无处可躲
我不要再想
我不要再想
我不 我不 我不要再想你

Inventions

Everybody loves karaoke. We love it so much, in fact, that we'd rather sing than drink and dance (KTV is offically the best invention since birth control and chocolate ice cream). Kathy, Korean Boy and I forgot completely about our plans to go clubbing - but I can't say I mind.

Favourites of the evening:
I love Rock and Roll
Complicated (Why do I know this song again?)
That Korean song that goes "Baby, I love you so much, forever you and I, I love you, oh, I love you so much, forever you and I"
Kiss Me (Admittedly I had never heard this song before but Korean Boy was adorable and I got to make kissy noises in the background)
黑色幽默 (IT'S MY SONG)
Julia
My way


In other news, Theodore got jealous of Ming so I have decided to write him a story to keep him quiet, but we have not yet discussed the issue of a Happy Ending. I think it's a bit mcuh of him to ask, but he keeps insisting. I love him, but really - someone has to be realistic.

Chinese of the day:
男人不坏，女人不爱
If a man is not bad, women won't love him

Absolutely and Completely

I am convinced that the best feeling in the world is that of Relief, at least for now. My visa problems have worked out with a bit of kicking and screaming and I just want to throw myself into someone's arms and scream it out: I'm so Happy!


Tracy helped me with a list on how to get an Asian boy to stay with you:
1. do not have sex with him (... admittedly, I don't quite understand this rule)
2. do not eat (one needs to be skinny. It's understandable, I suppose)
3. don't tell him you like him (where is the logic, here?)
I feel fucked in advance, and not in the good way. But the sun is smiling at me - it's not so grey today and I have bought some things to eat. I'm going to sit out on the balcony and smile back at the skies. I love my new home. I love Beijing.

... To be fair, I could add to the list, but let's not get embarrassed.

Chinese of the day:
"我快发疯了！"
"I am going insane!"

We do what we can to Forget

The complications around my visa keep adding up and I wouldn't have managed another day if it hadn't been for Kathy dragging me out to the clubs. Admittedly, we did not have much to drink (don't get me wrong, we drank bottles in plural, but they contained so little) but we most certainly ruled the dancefloor. Kathy and I and Hong Yan on the podium, Korean Boy and I on the podium, the four of us around the pole - I am finally surrounded by people who knows how to work it! I almost collapsed dancing and would have taken pictures if my camera had not been stuffed into a locker - today's pictures are posted with the courtesy of Kathy.



We played the tissue game, rescued Korean Boy from a Very Enthusiastic American girl and kissed around ice cubes - I can honestly say that I didn't think about my visa once.








The small of my back, my thighs, my stomach and my neck - I am so terribly hurt today and I couldn't be happier. We slept at five or six after walking down by the water, empty streets and soft lights... I could not help but feel a little romantic. Not everyone was, though. We met people who had just finished swimming around 后海 just for the sake of Fun and I was almost jealous.

Korean Boy is sweet, terribly so, but he speaks very little Chinese and almost no English (though he understands some) and since I only know one word in Korean ("neh", which, amazingly enough, means "yes") we have to rely on my skills as a Chinese teacher to get our points across. We try our best and it's fun - I can honestly say that I don't mind.

There's still fun to have, and there has to be a way to fix this visa thing - I just haven't found it yet.

Chinese of the day:
"对不起，我不是故意的吻你!"
I'm so sorry, I didn't kiss you on purpose!

Bye Bye Baby?

China has a funny way of turning papers. My university promised me tree weeks tops before I could have my papers in hand - this has now, because of the Olympics, turned into something limitless that could mean five, six or even seven weeks. It means, of course, that my Visa suffers. I need a new Visa before the 25th of this month or I will be sent home. It's an awful thing, of course, plus I cannot rent the apartment I was looking at because the school won't grant me any papers proving that I am a student. They are, in short, terrible people and very unwilling to help.

I have been in contact with the Swedish Embassy, I do hope that they can help. If not, I am in trouble.

I hate the Olympics. I don't want to go home.

Shop 'til you drop - and then push a little harder when they force you

I have become so spoiled. Not with money, of course (for I have none) but with housing, friendship and scenery. Kathy and I are working our way around the shopping districts, the bars, the boys - I have to say, staying with her family is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I feel so Chinese! I should fix my eyes to prove it.


Her friends are my friends, and I have never felt so welcome. The search for a Home of my own continues, but for now, I don't worry - one should just take it as it comes. I do like to have things planned, it's true, but I can be better. Marie always told me I need to be more spontaneous.


So I try. The Chinese girls are good at it, they are brilliant teachers. Best of all, I am not allowed any English, though Kathy is perfectly fluent. I am getting used to the Beijing accent, but some still laugh at my unconscious attempts at Taiwanese...


To be fair, I don't know what I was thinking when I said I was reluctant to go.

Chinese of the day:
缘分
Fate (when you find someone who fits you so well and you just know what it was meant to be)

Scream if you want to go faster

It's not such a bad thing at all, to be homeless. A few phone calls is all it takes to see that the world is full of wonderful, beautiful people so willing to help, and I believe in Goodness once again (not that I ever stopped). A friend of a friend has opened up her home for me and nothing could be better - living in a Chinese family, 太棒了! I'll do my absolute best to behave!

In every aspect, this has been a wonderful week. Drinks in plural (with taste!) and good food - I have come to understand that this might not be the end of the world, after all. I could live here. The Olympic flag can be seen in ever corner and the cars are on schedule not to pollute the precious air. I've visited the Olympic village but one is forced to look from a distance, the security is more than intense and I dare not think of the Prices. No, the television will be my friend and I can scream for Sweden and China with a beer in hand in accordance with traditions.


After watching the Korean psyche ward romance I'm a Cyborg, but that's okay I am considering taking up yodling. What better way to be excotic? I doubt that Blonde is enough in Beijing, I had better step up. I have started wearing heels again and Theodore says I look smart. Real progress comes with time.

Chinese of the day:
"敢不敢？“
Do you dare to?

北京，我到了

I'm here, I am homeless, I am tipsy and I know that I can make it.


Chinese of the day:
“Go Go 加油!”
(Quote from Full House)

Anxiety

For the first time in my life, I am reluctant to go. I have too many things - so many things to leave behind. My whole life in 20 kilos - it's not easy to plan one's packing when leaving for good.

I don't know why I'm going away. I know that I have to, it's an unwritten rule because it has already been two years and temporary roots shan't grow too deep but my stomach keeps screaming (normally I'd think it was the hot pot but I haven't been sleeping either). Home is where the heart is and mine isn't ready to settle, it probably never will be.

But at this point, I am even willing to forgive the Sichuan dialect for it's whiny faults.

Today is my last day and I had to make sure I wouldn't regret anything so I got up early, thus remaining partly blind until noon because of fatigue. I don't know why I do these things.


Breakfast at Starbucks, Macchiato to make the stomach happy and Melanie reminded me that I am Very Stupid. I am going to miss her so much. My French is going to lack immensely after some time without her, what a loss! I will become quite the savage.

And Howie, dear, dear Howie. "Cecilia, you have to look more normal in your pictures, stop smiling like a freak. Try to be pretty." I tried my best. He tried, too, but without success. And when a scanderly clad girl walked by and he said "come to daddy", I was as proud as a mother can be - his humour has reached the European standard and my job is done.


But I still don't want to go.

This is it. Jay is packed and all is ready, I think. I have a bottle of orange juice, too. My phobia of airports isn't as bad as it used to be, but I'm still not keen on getting up at five for my flight.

I'm going to miss my life as it used to be. But on the other hand, there is only one direction from down here.

Chinese of the day:
一路平安
Travel safely